Breakable

I don't know what's happened.. Year 12 was meant to be fun.. my life has been perfect, an amazing boyfriend, a great family, good student, good social life, amazing friends... but since exams last term, everything has come crashing down.. and the worst part is, no-one seems to understand that..

After failing all my exams, all I could think was, don't worry, as of next term, you are going to study your ass off, and hopefully ace year 12.. but the one thing I didnt count on was the element of stress.. The worst thing happened on the weekend.. Stress drove me to break up with Justin, but thankfully talking to him made me realise that i didnt need a break from him, if anything i need him more than ever.. I really need his reassurance, I need his support, and I need his love..

Unfortunately, with his various commitments, his exam prep, my extra large loads of homework and school, aswell as my extra classes which start soon, i'm not always able to receive that from him, and although I know in my heart that he is still there, and loves me more than the stars love the sky, I sometimes can't help but to become completely paranoid...

This is by far the hardest relationship I have encounted so far in life, but also the most rewarding. I need to learn to manage my time, and learn that if I can't talk to him every day, it's not the end of the world.. I just need to realise that all of my hard work will be worth it in the end, it just means sacrificing some time that I would normally spend talking to him in order to achieve my new chosen career path.

I realised over the past couple of weeks that the one thing I want to do for the rest of my life, is help other people. So my new career choice will be one in social work. I know it may not help me to live up to my greatest intellectual capabilities, and may not be considered a socially acceptable career path by some, but I know that it's what I would like to pursue.. because I know that I will wake up every morning and look forward to going to work, and that I will go to bed at night knowing that I made did everything I could to try and make a difference in the world, and that I made a difference in someone's life today.

But what's better, is that when I wake up, I will wake up in the arms of the person I love with all my heart, Justin McArthur.. and when I get out of bed, I will be greated by four beautiful angels; Tristan Sydney, Natasha Adelaide, Amelia Rose and Blake Danger McArthur. When I'm leaving work, I will come home to find my amazing family there, and then when I go to sleep, I will fall asleep in the arms of Justin.. life will be amazing, now it's time to tackle the journey to get there.

How you ever thought about how breakable we are?.. I will not be broken.

Smiles :)

I have to convince myself that he's still around, or atleast out there... somewhere.... and hopefully isn't giving up..

strike that last part... i just called him, he's still out there... :)

I've found the past couple of days so difficult, with exams over and no homework, i have had nothing to do.. and found so many different things to keep my mind off him..

Through the thousands of tears (I have a permanent river in my bedroom now), I have come out the other side happy with a new outlook on life:

I've got it good, so I should be all smiles.. :)

I don't wanna be remembered for the tears, I wanna be remembered for the smiles :)

I'd do Anything...

I'm just.. so lost for words right now.. I've been such a mess lately and I think i'm still recovering..

Have you ever woken up and just wanted to be with that one person?.. it doesn't matter where, just as long as i'm with him... Well that's me every morning, and the problem is that I can't be with him... I can't catch a bus with him, go out to lunch with him, go to the beach with him, wrap my arms around him and feel his around me, feel his soft lips against mine... inhale his scent...
It's all left up to my imagination..

But as he so sweetly put it this afternoon, we love each other, and that's all that matters.

I've been doubting my strength.. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to make it through the hard parts..
Sometimes missing him can put me in a state of agony, a pain that only he can eliminate with a simple 'Hey! I've missed you so much baby, how are you?'..

Justin, I love you soo much, you know that..
and 'I'd do anything, just to hold you in my arms..'

Augustana..

Well this week was hard, very hard...

With exams starting on Tuesday, it has been nothing but school, homework, study, stress and tears... And it doesnt appear to be getting any easier.

When I tried to tell my parents about my want to move to Adelaide for uni, my Dad freaked, and the conclusion was that he will never let me go, but I will find a way.. :) I'm determined... Nothing will hold me back.

So my task not only for this week, but for the rest of the year, is to become more independent, and prove to my Dad that I can take care of myself, and that I am more than capable of moving to Adelaide by myself...

So tomorrow, I shall apply for some jobs.. Wish me luck! :)

Here and Now is where I wanna be..

Well this week.. was a complete rollercoaster.
It's been a crazy week for my emotions.. but it's ending on a high. :)

Last night, I recieved the most amazing e-mail, from the one I love.. and it removed all doubt in my life.

So it brings me to my task over the past week, to find a path... well, I found one. :)
Adelaide... It's calling my name.. My future is there.

I've never, ever felt this way before, in fact.. I never thought that I could feel this way.
I don't want it to end.. :)

The way I feel about him is indescribable.. He is my everything, my world, and as he puts it, he brings colour into my life.. my dearest pineapple man. :)

So this week, I'm going to try and show him how much he means to me... I'm not quite sure how yet, but all he needs to know is, Here and Now is where I wanna be..

Unwritten

I've never written a blog before.. so I apologise if this is a disgrace :)

This week was one of those longggg weeks. It was filled with happiness, sadness, tears, awkwardness, school, horseys, love, friends... the list goes on.
But the main thing I realised this week is that I need a path to follow... so that my life is heading in some sort of direction..
My life, is completely unwritten.

So my aim this week, is to find some sort of direction...
I have great friends and family, I've found love.. I have a great school, life is good at the moment...

So my task for this week, is to find a path to follow. :)

the rest is still unwritten...