Breakable

I don't know what's happened.. Year 12 was meant to be fun.. my life has been perfect, an amazing boyfriend, a great family, good student, good social life, amazing friends... but since exams last term, everything has come crashing down.. and the worst part is, no-one seems to understand that..

After failing all my exams, all I could think was, don't worry, as of next term, you are going to study your ass off, and hopefully ace year 12.. but the one thing I didnt count on was the element of stress.. The worst thing happened on the weekend.. Stress drove me to break up with Justin, but thankfully talking to him made me realise that i didnt need a break from him, if anything i need him more than ever.. I really need his reassurance, I need his support, and I need his love..

Unfortunately, with his various commitments, his exam prep, my extra large loads of homework and school, aswell as my extra classes which start soon, i'm not always able to receive that from him, and although I know in my heart that he is still there, and loves me more than the stars love the sky, I sometimes can't help but to become completely paranoid...

This is by far the hardest relationship I have encounted so far in life, but also the most rewarding. I need to learn to manage my time, and learn that if I can't talk to him every day, it's not the end of the world.. I just need to realise that all of my hard work will be worth it in the end, it just means sacrificing some time that I would normally spend talking to him in order to achieve my new chosen career path.

I realised over the past couple of weeks that the one thing I want to do for the rest of my life, is help other people. So my new career choice will be one in social work. I know it may not help me to live up to my greatest intellectual capabilities, and may not be considered a socially acceptable career path by some, but I know that it's what I would like to pursue.. because I know that I will wake up every morning and look forward to going to work, and that I will go to bed at night knowing that I made did everything I could to try and make a difference in the world, and that I made a difference in someone's life today.

But what's better, is that when I wake up, I will wake up in the arms of the person I love with all my heart, Justin McArthur.. and when I get out of bed, I will be greated by four beautiful angels; Tristan Sydney, Natasha Adelaide, Amelia Rose and Blake Danger McArthur. When I'm leaving work, I will come home to find my amazing family there, and then when I go to sleep, I will fall asleep in the arms of Justin.. life will be amazing, now it's time to tackle the journey to get there.

How you ever thought about how breakable we are?.. I will not be broken.